Say "Cheese!"

gum surgery. really? And it's not even laser treatment (what I originally thought was going to treat these bad boys) . It's ACTUAL surgery. Like...tools and drills or whatever they use. In my mouth. On my poor (infected, deep pocketed, extra-large, diseased) gums. They're going to get ripped apart. And the bone is going to be sawed away. And the tissue is going to be removed. I don't even want to think about the blood. And I'm going to cry because I'll be awake! The local anaesthesia better be strong. I don't want to feel ANY of it. Seeing it happen will be painful enough. And I thought I was one of the lucky ones because I didn't have to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Little did I know...

But at least i can finally say this:
BYE BYE GUMMY SMILE (that has plagued me my entire life...okay fine, maybe not my entire life, but at least my photographs)
BYE BYE GINGIVITIS (ew, I know)
HELLOO beautiful movie star smile! (hopefully) 
and healthy gums! 
and a quick hello ice cream, soup, and everything super soft that I will be living on for the next two weeks
I really hope this is worth the four grand the dentist says it is. Who knew a person's gums could break the bank? This would happen to me.

Dear Responsible Me,

Where have you gone? I'm exhausted. I'm restless. I'm tangled in my own thoughts. And most importantly, I can't bring myself to study.  I just won't study; I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been wasting time, day after day. I know I usually waste time, (queen-bee-procrastinator) but I won't even pretend to open my books these days. Every afternoon I say I'm going to go to bobst. Every afternoon I end up falling asleep on my bed. Every evening I say I'll start studying. Every evening I end up talking and laughing, putting it off a little bit longer until it's too late to start, but too early to convince myself to crawl under my covers and get some rest. What's most frustrating is that I wake up on no sleep, but I have no excuses because I haven't even stayed up late working.  And every weekend that I promise to do all the work I didn't do on the weekdays I end up telling myself, "there are only a few weekends left, have fun"
Excuses. I'm a pro.  Even now I'm procrastinating. Papers to edit, naps to be had, meals to be eaten and conversations to be finished before the endless summer nights. These days I find myself lying in bed, surrounding by song lyrics and facebook photos, ichat and my own lonely thoughts for hours upon end.
There are two weeks to go. I don't want school to end, but I've shut off already. MOTIVATION, I'm begging you, please come back to me.

(At least, until my economics final is over) 

"There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are supposed to be doing something else"


With love (and frustration and stress),
Katie